Updated: Jul 27
Dear anyone who may need this,
A hollowness lingers like a huge lead ball in your stomach, molten and burning and yet entirely cold. There’s a sinking feeling as well, right in your chest where your heart should be, but instead there is a lulling ocean in place of it which yearns, wants and misses that person, who with their presence gave those waters life and movement and shape. They were the ebb and flow, the driving force and the point of buoyancy that stopped the 'Great Sink', by which I mean that almighty dreadful feeling of descent into the shell of one’s own lonely self. Love is the maximal extent of being noticed; it is knowing without saying, or it being said, that you are the first thought in that other person’s mind when their eyes blink open from slumber. Paradoxically and characteristically so, love is also the feeling of wholeness and of selflessness all at once; one feeds the other in an ouroboros cycle of eternal delight, replete with the jewels of generosity, kindness and sympathy. You give yourself entirely to that person but know that you too have been given something in its entirety as well; it is a complete carriage of reciprocal exchange dragged by the horses of passion and controlled by the horsemen of truth. All must function; you cannot have passion unchecked. The horses of passion will be left to drag the carriage of reciprocity if the horsemen become untruthful. This becomes directionless, aimless and uncontrolled. Love should be intense but not ungovernable and honesty governs all. Without truth or honesty, Passion’s steeds break the reigns and the carriage of reciprocity is left abandoned in its tracks within the mighty dark woodland of tendentiousness. This is called heartbreak; when love is stopped in its tracks by virtue of losing its triad-essence of truth, reciprocity and passion. If you sit in that carriage pining for those horsemen of mistruth and mistrust then you will never move, you will be stuck in a broken carriage with nothing but an empty yearning for a love you once had but is now all in tatters. The horsemen have fled and abandoned, does one really wish to sit alone in the darkness in that wreck of what was? You cannot love into a vacuum; remember this. Energy must flood two ways and must flood in complete equality. Give not yourself to a vacuous person who pretends to love but does not. You are more than that and there are other carriages to which you can walk to. Walk from this dangling ruin. You may have to walk far, and it will be painful; your feet will blister and buckle under the weight of your plodding, your lips will shiver, and your heart will ache for warmth but somewhere, someone too will be sat with a feet full of sores and a heart full of cracks near a fire-pit, aside a carriage with horsemen of truth and horses of passion waiting for an accompanied journey . Do not sit and wait as your heart breaks and you grow cold; either light your own fire and make the wait a time of growth for self or walk to another fire and a love that will give you all that this one has deprived you of. Remember the triad of love, my friend, you deserve all of its constituent parts for you give them all in equal measure. Be kind to yourself and crave not those who are not worth your craving. Crave only those that crave you back. Honesty, passion and reciprocity - that it is all. Do not settle for a love that sells itself cheaply, take all three or none at all. Farewell on your journey to a happier time: I am sure you will get there soon.