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Sunny Valentine

“Let everything happen to you.

Beauty and terror.

Just keep going.

No feeling is final" - Rilke

And all this time we chased ‘more’; we swam in the ocean of opportunity trying to chase the sea towards an unobtainable horizon. The agonising paradox of desire is that it requires the lack of its subject in order to maintain itself; once we obtain what we desire, it no longer remains desired, but obtained, achieved - so hence we move to desiring something else. The problem though with this infinite chain of desiring more is a blatant disregard for the notion of satisfaction. It results in usuary, a commodification of bodies, of souls, of things. We are our own capitalist nightmares; avaricious creatures caged within ourselves seeking endless externalities to recompense our internal destitution of soul. All this time I longed for more than what I had; I swam towards the sun collecting my candlesticks of desire, my steppingstones towards an idealised happiness. Each stick, a molten liquification of my greed as I sought only the biggest light I could see. Then the sun went down, and I was left in waxen darkness. In chasing the sun, I had effectively melted away all that I should have treasured. I now see that you, my little candle, are the brightest light I could hold. I have everything I want and everything I need. Yes, I have many wonderful friends, a working body, a healthy family, a curious mind and a love for the sky and books and the world. But recently in gaining you, all those things have just become such greater sources of joy. You teach me to be happy, to appreciate. I learn how to live at peace with myself for you make me feel so incredibly good. I have happiness. I am satisfied with this simple, easy love that we have and yet with that simplicity I have access to the infinite. Simplicity is not poverty; the richest souls often enjoy the simplest things.You are a millionaire in this respect, but then again I'd argue kindness, confidence, passion, care, attentiveness are not simple things. You have them in abundance. It is sometimes so brave and so powerful to simply enjoy life for what it is. You teach me that. Whilst no feeling is final, my time with you has shown me that we must learn to grow with what we feel, to let life happen to us rather than reducing it through our colonialist impulse to control and to conquer. Only the unhappiest people incapable of understanding their own emotions attempt to control others because they cannot master themselves. Enjoy satisfaction, let life happen, live it all fully - I have never lived so joyfully as I have with you. My sweet sunny valentine, I needn't chase horizons now for you are my sun-man, my sweet spot in bright climes. I am perfectly content in bathing in your excellence.

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